Currently Listening Jagged Little Pill Acoustic By Alanis Morissette secret song see related

Hey Yall

Currently Listening Sink or Swim By Waterdeep and see related

so...what's going on in Becky's world?

I'll do my best to tell you, as I see it. I don't see it very much. But from what I can gather:

I am going to school. For the first time in my life, this is a challenge (yes, that is a very snotty thing to say, but it is the truth; high school was easy for me; that makes this challenge all the more difficult). I blame Reed Simon and my Color Theory class for my occasional low self-esteem. Thankfully, this is a one-semester class.

I am working at Starbuck's,  15 hours per week. I am told every time I work there that I am doing "such a good job," but I still can't help feeling, when I've just overflowed yet another Frappuccino, that i suck. I think the fact that I am very good at smiling and talking to customers and have fluffy curly hair and wear big-ass earrings and a ghetto-phenomenal belt and penny loafers from Wal-Mart is all that makes me a fabulous employee. But, I am a fabulous employee, so I guess the fact that it has nothing to do with my latte-making ability shouldn't really matter. My favorite part of my job is maintaining the pastry case. I imagine that I am an artful pastry shop owner at some konditoriet (definitely not spelled correctly), and that my pastries are the golden thread in the tapestry of a customer's day. My colleages don't get the same thrill out of this job, which is good, because it means that I get to do it more often.

I've sampled the dating game for kicks, and pretty much come to the conclusion that I don't like it. People on dates are always trying to say and do "all the right things." I'd so much rather make boring conversation about coffee lid construction or something, and I love to make random exclamations about the perfect fall leaf I just saw fall down, or yell at squirrels. That's so much more fun to me than saying "the right thing." Additionally, people want you to be enamoured with them, and I usually am not enamoured. I like boys. I like talking to them. I like kissing some of them. But I don't like dating them. And I think I confuse people because many of them think I'm hot, so they expect me to want to date hot guys. But the thing is, I'm smart, too. I take intellect over looks any day. So this sucks for me because the hot guys think I'm a geek once they talk to me, and the smart geeks don't bother with me because they think I want to talk to hot boys. There are some guys who are both smart and hot, but they're usually too arrogant for me to enjoy them. For this reason, I am done with dating. I'm going to have to go back to making friends and chancing that someday we'll fall in love with each other.

I continually say to myself, "I want to be more of a school nerd. This weekend, I'm going to spend a lot of time in the library and my room and not go out except to Starbuck's or the thrift store." And then, Thursday night (I have no classes on Friday, so my weekend comes early) comes and I'm stressed and someone asks me to do something. I do it. I lack resolve and discipline. That discipleship school must not have done the trick.

I think constantly about traveling. To Portland, to the Rockies, to Denmark, to Anapolis, to Nashville, to London. I think constantly about recording my songs. I think often about making friends with girls, which I don't seem to be very good at. I think constantly about going to concerts and going to Starbuck's with a book. I don't think very much about Trigonometry. I think a great deal about Color Theory, but usually not until it's too late.

I go to church, approximately bi-weekly. Everyone I meet at school is either an atheist, an agnostic, someone who believes in a higher power but never pays any attention to it, or a Christian who is out to convert everyone who is not a Christian or even the same brand of Christian they are. The last of these condemns me for my church-going being only bi-weekly; the rest of these shys away because I am too churchy. I've yet to find anyone at school who believes even similarly to the way I do. Come to think of it, I can think of only one person I've ever known who does. 

Music is still the only thing that makes sense to me.

Whether or not I pass Color Theory, whether or not I get to be with the man of my dreams, whether or not I go to London--the sun will go on rising and setting. And it will always make the leaves look so glorious.

Currently Listening The Eleventh Hour By Jars of Clay silence see related

woah, two posts in one day! don't get too excited, kids...I just thought maybe in light of all that psychological stuff I've been documenting I should include a practical update as well. Just do me a fav, promise? Post your comments on the appropriate log entry according to their content. Tak skal du hav. (see! I still remember...)

So tomorrow I start working at...drumroll, please.....Starbuck's of Kent, OH!!! Woo-hoo! The excitement is not because I've always dreamed of working there; I haven't. I actually would rather not work at a cafe that I love to spend time in so much for fear of ruining it. However, I was working at that awful 24/7 diner on my campus, and it reminded me of McDonald's, which is detestable to all but Jason Jebeles. So today Donna (mother) came down and we went uniform shopping, so I can look all sexy in my black Dickies and white oxford.

Last night I had more fun going dancing, sitting at Eat n Park, and listening to country music in the car with my best boo boo Bobby than I've had at all of my college parties combined. I love him oodles. He never reads this, but I want the rest of you all to know this.

So, since I didn't get home from that little excursion till 8 this morning, and then Donna and I went shopping, I decided to make up on sleepytime at like 6pm. I woke up around 9:30, and am now eating an Uncle Ben's rice bowl--beef and broccoli. I also got a caramel soy latte and a bag of "Oh, Boy Oberto's" beef jerky. All the beef is an effort to raise my iron level, because I went to go donate blood a while back, and they rejected me! I was  so offended...I exited the building in shame, getting glares from all the high-iron snobs that actually were able to donate. But I am determined. I have never given blood before. The bloodmobile is coming back at the end of October, so I figure by then I will have consumed enough cow to shoot those iron meters off the charts.

I just want to take this chance to give a shout out to Rebecca T. and say that gosh I think about you, and I really want to come to Chicago for a Lauren/Rebecca double header. We'll see how the funds come in. Maybe I'll do a PBS drive thing...

Now I'm going to finish my rice bowl (with beef) that is probably cold, and then work on kitchen floor plans while I eat jerky.

Currently Listening Fumbling Towards Ecstasy By Sarah Mclachlan see related

spoiled rotten.

that's what i am. yep. it has been brought to my attention that I have been spoiled to having only the most quality of people as my friends. Somehow, in nearly twenty years, I have managed to make and remain friends with people that, it seems, are (sorry if this sounds incredibly crass...) approximately 153% higher quality than the rest of humanity alive today. My criteria for this assessment is the content of their social life/sources of amusement. The people I have been privileged to know, strange as it sounds, actually enjoy doing things; things like canoing, making dresses, building things, riding bikes, taking trips, reading for fun, going out for exotic food, skinny dipping after a giant slip n slide, dancing, playing pool, board games, writing songs, making short ridiculous films, cooking.....and all of these things can be done with or without alcohol! Isn't that incredible?! Sometimes it's appropriate, and sometimes we just don't even think of it. Imagine that. And correct me if I'm wrong, but not all of the above activities are intrinsically linked to the Nerd category.  Granted, some of them--I won't say which ones, to avoid unnecessary offense--are.

Not everyone is like this! I know, it's stunning, but some people just don't give a shit if the night's activity is interesting, amusing, or enlightening, as long as it involves Nati (cheapest American beer you can find, for the Euros reading this). Don't get me wrong, I like my "spirits," but I must have more! More to do, that is. Call me ADD, but sitting and watching everyone get wasted just bores me after a while, and I, in my childish mindset I suppose, think "well, what are we gonna do now?" I never utter this phrase aloud, for experience has taught me that my fellow party-goers' answer to that question is just to put another beer in my hand (which, by the way, I think is disgusting in the first place. I find beer to be fat and ugly; but that is beside the point; your choice of beverage is up to you.)

So this leads me to my quandry: Where can I find some substance? No, no, friends; I'm not referring to something to snort or pop. I'm talking about what people are made of; the "stuffins" of a human bean. I have two main concerns regarding this vacuum. One is just, selfishly, my own entertainment. I'm bored with these types of parties. The other is also selfish, but a bit deeper. I know that it is true that one becomes like his/her surroundings; I also know that what goes in is what comes out. So, by hanging out with boring people, I myself could (I know, it seems like it could never happen, but work with me here. It's a hypothetical.) potentially become boring myself. And also, if I am always around a lack of substance, I have obviously no where to get my substance from, and would then be substance free, but not in the healthy way.

I have given this a great deal of thought, and it seems like there is really no need to freak out. There are over 20,000 people who attend Kent State University, 3600 in my class alone. Chances are, there are people of substance out there, just waiting to be found. So maybe some lovely little bird will guide them to this article and they will either take pity or think "wow, she sounds awesome and has an exquisite vocabulary, even if she can't spell" and message me. Let's hope so together, shall we? Thanks for listening, and have a good day.

*NotaBene: I feel the need to add that this is an overall generalization, and is not meant to refer to specific individuals with whom I have made seemingly enough a real connection. Because you are my gems, and my reason to keep on hoping that there is intelligent, sincere life on earth. But so often the cool ones don't ever call because everyone assumes that everyone already has their friends. Not so! We all could use a few more friends, now couldn't we?

Currently Listening Hot Fuss By The Killers natalie see related

man o man!

boy, has school picked up...and along with it, back-home and nation-wide communication have dropped, I'm afraid. I had to add another class (advisors couldn't have told me about it, right?) and how's this for a relaxing week?: join new class and get seriously overwhelmed at the amount of supplies I have to get, not to mention making up the two projects I'm behind on, as well as the fact that I don't know anything about this stuff...color theory? everyone in the class seems to know about art things--how to paint, what gouash is, proper brush technique...um, yeah! okay, and then I had to drive 30 minutes (not that I minded being with my Jetta at all, a long overdue visit, but I got lost!) to a craft store where this one woman was a biiiii-otch,  and they did not have everything I needed. I found out when I got home that my friend had to go the next day, and I could have saved the gas (which, by the way is now $3.00/gal...) and frustration and gone with him. I also found out that I had a Trigonometry test as well as a Survey of Architectural History quiz, and I was suppsed to donate blood. Up till 4am workin on the Trig, and the following evening I skipped the Arch. His. quiz to try to get my projects started...I had a nice break on Thursday evening and found out that I can be on the committee for (drumroll, please) Margaret Cho! Mark you're calendars if you are going to be in my area on October 22nd, because she is going to be here--omg, excitement. So now today I'm working more on my projects, though I really don't see how anyone could finish them both my Monday...but in any event....I am enjoying myself. I actually think that this is the best place for me right now, despite my kicking and screaming when Kent State University was first suggested. Thanks to Gene and Donna for pluggin good ol' KSU...